The Trending Shits.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
I'm a literal observer of Twitter and I'm following so much British teenagers and it seems like all of these things i'm going to write is trending. So, shall we start the shit?
- tYPE LIKE THIS oMG I'M ACTUALLY NOT A N00b OR AN AbSOLUTE TW4T bECAUSE IT'S 4WESOME SWAGALICIOUS YES bAbE?
- bindis. Cross bindis. What's the point of those things anyway? If you're not a fucking Indian i mean. Even cooler, make the shit permanently tattooed into your forehead just because you're an imbecile.
- yolo leggings. yin and yang leggings. Fantastic.
- dip-dyed hair. Pink, green, blue, purple, oh my hair looks like rainbows so beautiful. Cries.
- made an account on twitter, buy your followers (because apparently you can. For what, i don't even know) and tweet the same generic shit with 3837647388 followers and 0 following while shitload of people licking your arse to get a RT or favourite or s/o or a follow. Fake icon. Even cooler, copy others' tweets, yes, that shit is so cool.
- sing on youtube even though you can't actually sing. Oh cool, five subscribers, I'M A FUCKING JUSTIN BIEBER. wHY AM I SO POPULAR. and write it on your twitter bio, "I'm a singer". Cries.
- my twitter username is tw4tilicious or wh0rebag or sk4nk wHY AM I SO CLASSY AND COOL. Cries.
- I'm an awkward turtle. I'm a unsociable potato. I'm so fat. I love foods so much. In reality, size 0, socializing like a bo$$ because i'm pretty and i know it bitches love me MWAHHAHAHA. I lied about the potato and turtle part and basically everything i said on twitter hola.
- I have so much followers. too busy to reply to any of yall tweets or dm ok bye. I AM SO C00L -insert cross symbols in this space just because they look good, not that i'm actually religious or something 0h s0 hip$ter-
- Shave your eyebrows. All of the useless hairs, goodbye now to all of you. Draws them back, even cooler, make it longer, curvier, darker, and creepier than it actually was. OH MY GOD I'M SO HIP$TER. I DONT UNDERSTAND.
- get piercing in weird places. OH LOOK I PIERCED MY FINGER OH GOD IT TURNED bLUE, MY FINGER IS bLUE hELP, NOW IT'S GREEN. W0W.
- crocs are disgusting but your username is cr0cspr1nc3ss, what's wrong with you.
- complaining 'why am i so ugly crying' when s(he) looks SO MUCH bETTER THAN YOU AND NOTHING bUT A SEXY FUCKER.
- i'm going to make a new twitter account to fuck with these popular people heads up and shakes some humanity and cross da fucking line by bringing up people's dead relatives because I'm SO C00L and i'm going to be so pOPULAR hELP.
- 'someone talk to me I'm so lonely. (basically IF YOU'RE CUTE OR HOT HAHAHAHA IF YOU'RE UGLY, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY OR I'LL CUT YOU)
- put bbm pin on twitter. someone adds her or him. complains that there are loads of crap ass pedophiles out there.
- I'm not hipster. Reads about HOW to be hipster with five easy steps on wikihow dot com.
- having a 'fit' guy or girl to write your bio and it says '@blahblahblah is so fucking perfect, she's mine but follow her because she's the cutest girl ever ok' when basically you're just the biggest massive wankstain fuckery twatilicious cuntface with shitloads of followers for nothing but your good looking face.
xoxo, gossip gorilla (just because dougie poynter is a genius and he deserves it to be written in my post ok bye now).
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